There’s a reason that the phrase “Motherhood is the toughest job in the world” is a cliché: it’s true. So, if you are a mother and, therefore, working the “toughest job in the world,” it must also be true that you are most entitled to a vacation.
The truth is, mothers are the most unlikely people to get—or take—a vacation.
Whether it is due to guilt for taking time to yourself when your children need both you and things which “vacation” money buys (food, clothes, a roof over their heads, et al), or because you simply cannot find an additional moment to spare for yourself, vacations—and, especially, personal time to ourselves—is something for which we often dream and seldom make a reality. We think of time to ourselves as a selfish, lavish indulgence rather than a need. True, while a trip to the Bahamas is certainly an extravagant treat limited to the very few, a short trip to rejuvenate our bodies, minds, and spirits is an act of self-respect as well as a gift to our children; we become more focus, relaxed, and centered…qualities which help others just as much as it helps ourselves.
Which is why, every six months, I take a weekend to myself at a monastery.
For many, monasteries conjure the vision of men in robes going about their tasks of cooking, gardening, and maintaining their bare-bones dwellings in silence, perhaps only speaking at times of prayer; monasteries are seen only as places for simple living to commune with God. While the purpose of monastic vocations is to live simply with hearts and minds to God, life at the monastery is not limited to its permanent residents; as a part of their religious beliefs and as an additional source of income, monasteries offer accommodations for “retreats,” either alone or with a group of others. Such retreats are self-directed and open to people of all faiths; the purpose of your visit and that which you wish to find while on the premises is entirely your own business.
The monastery at which I am staying at present offers an excellent argument for the necessity of time alone in a small brochure they have in their church:
It may be difficult to convince us today that there are some good things that are utterly inaccessible without the taking of time. Our hectic lifestyle and the tremendous influx of information discourage us from the realization that significant events need time to be understood. The truth is that serous and deep meanings only emerge as we look and listen, as we accompany a long story in its unfolding—our lives most of all. A certain stability is the key, a “staying with” that gives us the opportunity to change as the circumstances of our lives change and so to ponder more fully what is going on below or beneath more superficial happenings.
Everyone faces their own personal struggles; over the past several years I have found that one of the best methods of stepping away from challenging situations and garnering insights into difficult decisions is to visit what I’ve joking begin referring to as my “fortress of solitude.” Several years ago I faced the decision as to whether or not I should end my marriage. My husband had his opinion, my children had their opinion, my friends had more and varied opinions…but ultimately it had to be my decision. I found that I couldn’t “hear myself think” so to speak over all the help I was being offered by so many well-meaning people; I also had crushing emotional pain which I did not wish to show in front of my children. That was my first trip to Mount Saviour Monastery; I wasn’t Catholic, but I needed a place where I could be alone and just be. I spent the weekend crying, writing, and raging…and left calm, at peace, and with a plan in place. The experience was good for not only for me, but for my children who needed a clear-thinking, level-headed, and loving mother during a tumultuous time in all our lives.
This weekend I visited with the purpose of a “writer’s retreat.” In spite of the fact that my first degree is in English with an emphasis on creative writing, I stopped writing years ago after leaving college and focusing on raising three children, running a sustainable hobby farm, homeschooling, and working either full-time or part-time. When I decided I needed to return to my writing, I found that I had lost my voice…as well as my basic skills. I have been incredibly disappointed with that which I have produced in the past four months; I have also been challenged by interruptions from family, work, and general life responsibilities. Couple my creative pursuits with recovering from a B12 deficiency (which explains my exhaustion and my constant brain fog), and I have been more than ready to crawl into my rejuvenating utopia.
My trips to the monastery are as much for myself as they are for my family. My family needs a mother who is refreshed, energized, and able to handle the chaos and demands of life; they do not need one who can barely get out of bed in the morning, is burned out, and is operating from crisis mode. Having even a weekend to myself allows me to refocus and prioritize…as well as makes me at least a little more pleasant to be around.
A visit to a monastery is perfect for those of limited financial means. Most monasteries ask for a donation of that which you can afford; Mount Savior Monastery has a suggested donation of forty-five dollars a night, but state in their brochure, “We are grateful to those who can give more and welcome those whose means allow for less.” Accommodations range from private, dorm-style rooms to small cottages; I am currently staying at a small cottage adjacent to a field with grazing sheep. Although I could choose to take my meals up at St. Gertrude’s, the women’s dormitory, I prefer to bring my own food and eat at my own schedule.
And what can one do here? Sleep. Pray. Read books and magazines. Write. Play solitaire. Take walks. Draw. Paint. Knit. Crochet. Drink a glass of wine if permitted. (On my first visit I brought a bottle of wine, thinking I’m such a bad person to have wine at a monastery…until I found a corkscrew and four wine glasses in the cottage cupboard.) Have a cup of tea. Just do nothing. Just be. In a world where we are always doing something, and we even expect that a vacation is going and doing something, it is a surprising and refreshing change to go do nothing. Besides, as a mother, don’t you already do enough?
Taking care of yourself isn’t limited to eating well, exercising, and annual physicals; you also need to take time to slow down and rejuvenate. Monasteries offer an affordable way to relax, recharge, and reconnect with your spirit. The next time you find yourself wishing you could get away, take a look online to see if there is a monastery near you. You—and your family—deserve it!
Michelle is a contributor to Single Mom Forum. You can view her amazing articles at
http://www.professionalfamilymanager.com/
